When shit in your home breaks, it costs you lots of time and money. Just like a newborn baby. Except a home is planned for. And it can break anywhere\u2026 from your plumbin\u2019, your chair, your sprinkler, your exhaust\u2026 it\u2019s all surprisingly fragile.<\/p>\n
Now you could hire a handyman or a plumber for a simple fix, but that\u2019s just asking for you to set a few Ben Franklins on fire.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s my belief that you shouldn\u2019t have to pay all that or fix it yourself, wasting your Saturday for no reason. Cuz you\u2019ll end up drivin\u2019 to the store, lookin\u2019 for parts, don\u2019t find the parts, drive to another store, buy the parts, drive home, realize it\u2019s the wrong part, go to the store again, drive home again, finally make the fix, and by the time you\u2019re done, you\u2019ve missed a lot of precious football. And even if you save money, you\u2019ve wasted all that time\u2026 and science proves that time is actual money. So now you\u2019re back to where you started.<\/p>\n
Now you might be thinkin\u2019, duct tape fixes everything. Yeah, if you want a crappy, temporary solution. Yes, it\u2019s quick and cheap, but you need somethin\u2019 quick, cheap, AND permanent.<\/p>\n
Introducin\u2019 willie tape, the amazing super-tape that\u2019s strong as steel and saves you hundreds of dollars. Willie tape can be used anywhere. It can fix anythin\u2019 from your plumbin\u2019, your chair, your sprinkler, your exhaust\u2026 and it costs just a few dollars. So now, instead of burnin\u2019 Ben Franklins, you\u2019re only burnin\u2019 Abe Lincoln and George Washington. \u2026I, I know that sounds bad, but it\u2019s actually way better.<\/p>\n
Got a broken pipe? Willie tape it! Because willie tape is 100% watertight. Hell, you could even coat your lungs with it and never drown. But you would suffocate, and it would be excruciatingly painful.<\/p>\n
Got a broken tail pipe? Willie tape that sucker too. Cuz willie tape can withstand temperatures of up to 1000 degrees Fahrenheit. Or for you Europeans \u2014 1000 degrees Fahrenheit, governor.<\/p>\n
Willie tape saves you countless hours and hundreds of dollars on repairs but only if you already have it. It\u2019s just like a first-aid kit. You don\u2019t buy it after the accident, you buy it right now, so you\u2019ll be ready for the accident. And I would know. Cuz I was an accident.<\/p>\n
Willie tape is like the shit your doctor uses to cast broken bones and kneecaps. Only stronger. And permanent. And P.S., don\u2019t use it on your body cuz this stuff will give you a Brazilian wax from hell.<\/p>\n
And it comes in single-use rolls so it\u2019s one roll\u2026 one fix\u2026 one beautiful spokesperson. Plus we include gloves in every box. You\u2019re welcome.<\/p>\n
Just unroll it. Reroll it around the area that needs fixin\u2019. Wait 10 minutes. And you\u2019re done.<\/p>\n
So if you don\u2019t like burnin\u2019 money, go to willie tape dot com, and order your willie tape today. However, if you do like burnin\u2019 money, just work for the government.<\/p>\n
So buy willie tape now and be ready for \u2014 that busted muffler on the highway. That broken tent pole in the middle of nowhere. That rusty encabulator flange on a back hoe. That ain\u2019t a real thing, but if it were, willie tape could fix it.<\/p>\n
Yeah, duct tape has its time and place. But when you need somethin\u2019 fixed\u2026 and I mean guaranteed to last longer than you do, use willie tape.<\/p>\n
Plus order right now and we\u2019ll give you a special deal where you send us money and we send you willie tape. Cuz it\u2019s already a deal. So click them internet buttons and order now.<\/p>\n
Willie tape \u2014 Buy today, so you can be ready for tomorrow.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
When shit in your home breaks, it costs you lots of time and money. Just like a newborn baby. Except a home is planned for. And it can break anywhere\u2026 from your plumbin\u2019, your chair, your sprinkler, your exhaust\u2026 it\u2019s all surprisingly fragile. Now you could hire a handyman or a plumber for a simple […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":141,"featured_media":806,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-805","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/newhousemilitary.syr.edu\/2018\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/805","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/newhousemilitary.syr.edu\/2018\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/newhousemilitary.syr.edu\/2018\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newhousemilitary.syr.edu\/2018\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/141"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newhousemilitary.syr.edu\/2018\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=805"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/newhousemilitary.syr.edu\/2018\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/805\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":808,"href":"https:\/\/newhousemilitary.syr.edu\/2018\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/805\/revisions\/808"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newhousemilitary.syr.edu\/2018\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/806"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/newhousemilitary.syr.edu\/2018\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=805"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newhousemilitary.syr.edu\/2018\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=805"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newhousemilitary.syr.edu\/2018\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=805"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}